The Talking Heads first asked this question in 1980. I was 11 years old, and the lyrics were catchy but not so meaningful at the time. I was busy growing up as an only child of divorced parents, a tomboy, a prepster with Izod shirts, crewneck sweaters, hair in braids, and my favorite red and white Nike Cortez track shoes.
Fast-forward. I’m 49, and those five words strike a chord with me now maybe more than ever before. How did I get here? I suppose one could say I am yet again an only child (at heart), still a tomboy (at my core) with my hair in a pony tail(s), and my ‘sporty spice’ fashion and collection of tennis and running shoes could potentially constitute a sports gear addiction.
So, why am I writing this? Living my rather unconventional life has led me to explore how I got here. And why when people say “you’re living the dream,” my immediate response is “whose dream am I living exactly?”
Apparently ‘the dream’ goes something like this: No kids. No pets. No houseplants (well — one succulent). Responsible for myself and only myself. Healthy. Adventurous. Girl with a boy’s garage. Nice home. Successful career. Loves to cook and has a thing for arranging or ‘plating’ my food because pretty food tastes better. Kind. Caring.
And giving — perhaps to a fault.
Here’s where ‘the dream’ gets tricky. Competitive. Driven. Independent.
WORK hard.
PLAY hard.
LOVE hard.
I can’t change my stripes.
I live all-in.
A few things have been broken along the way, and all the while I’ve done everything I can to always take the high road because that’s how I was raised.
I’m on a quest to trust again. I’m in search of respect in this world. And I’ll continue to live ‘a dream.’ One of risk and reward. One of being willing to take leaps of faith. One of climbing literal and proverbial mountains. And one that fuels me physically, emotionally, and makes me feel alive.
There are so many aspects of life I want to explore with respect to how I got here, and maybe where I’m going from here. My upbringing, relationships and experiences along the way, all the little things that have shaped me as an individual. Some I can say with certainty will lead to laughter (trust me), some may lead to tears, and some might trigger change in who knows what form or direction, but I am hopeful that my time taken for introspection (and reflection) may help me trust again, find respect in the world, and maybe — just maybe — provide a little bit of inspiration along the way.
“The mountains themselves call us into greater stories.”
- Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
